Yes, this story drew me right in . . . although, like Natalie (in the comment below), I was a little confused about whose POV the story is being told from. Lily was an engaging character, and I wanted to learn more of here, but Aurora immediately took center stage, and her relationship with the house makes me want to turn the page! I hope you write more!
I think this is a cool story that sucked me in right away. I think you should continue it. My only suggestion would be to tell it from Aurora's POV from the start, like starting the scene with Lily coming into her room. Maybe Lily could act shocked at being asked to smile instead of getting into her internal thoughts.
Hello Lee. You have a way to keep your reader enthralled. Not a moment where the story feels dragged. I like the way you unravel details as Lyvia moves through the corridor with the breakfast. And also, the steely yet resolute voice of Ms Havenwood. I'd be interested in knowing what happens next. Enjoyed this very much.
Yes, you should write more. I did like starting with Lily in the kitchen - it really set the mood and setting of the story. And Griffin's are one of my favorite characters; they can be guardians or terrible warriors, even trapped in stone. This will be a fascinating story, and you've started with a nice, well paced backstory.
Thank you, Donna. I know short stories are not expected to do much characterization of minor characters, but I enjoyed giving the servants a bit more depth in this piece.
I'll second the suggestion that the story might have even more impact if told from one viewpoint--or at least, without shifting viewpoints mid-chapter. But that may be just a matter of taste. I've had editors who really pushed viewpoint continuity, but I noticed while recent reading "Practical Magic" that Alice Hoffman switches viewpoints often, and sometimes very rapidly.
In any case, the opening is gripping, and the premise is excellent, so this is definitely worth continuing.
Hi Bill and so glad you stopped in. POV is always debated, isn't it? I usually try to stay inside one character's head in a scene, but that's the only "rule" I pay attention to. Hope you'll come back to see how Aurora deals with her little problem.
I would read more. There is plenty of backstory around the present action to make me wonder what disaster will happen. There are plenty of ways I can see you going with this start.
Yes, this story drew me right in . . . although, like Natalie (in the comment below), I was a little confused about whose POV the story is being told from. Lily was an engaging character, and I wanted to learn more of here, but Aurora immediately took center stage, and her relationship with the house makes me want to turn the page! I hope you write more!
I think this is a cool story that sucked me in right away. I think you should continue it. My only suggestion would be to tell it from Aurora's POV from the start, like starting the scene with Lily coming into her room. Maybe Lily could act shocked at being asked to smile instead of getting into her internal thoughts.
Intriguing...
Hello Lee. You have a way to keep your reader enthralled. Not a moment where the story feels dragged. I like the way you unravel details as Lyvia moves through the corridor with the breakfast. And also, the steely yet resolute voice of Ms Havenwood. I'd be interested in knowing what happens next. Enjoyed this very much.
Thank you, Sonia. I hope I can keep the story going so that it continues to hold readers' interest. I appreciate your comment so much.
Intriguing. Drew me in right from the opening line. Definitely continue.
Thanks, Nilanjana!
Yes, you should write more. I did like starting with Lily in the kitchen - it really set the mood and setting of the story. And Griffin's are one of my favorite characters; they can be guardians or terrible warriors, even trapped in stone. This will be a fascinating story, and you've started with a nice, well paced backstory.
Thank you, Donna. I know short stories are not expected to do much characterization of minor characters, but I enjoyed giving the servants a bit more depth in this piece.
Hi Lee - I'd be happy to read more ... fascinating take to the story-line.
I struggle to find my way round substack ... took me a while to get here ... but hope to read more ... cheers Hilary
I'm struggling, too. It has so many nooks and crannies to explore. Thanks for persisting. I hope this becomes easier for people to navigate.
I'll second the suggestion that the story might have even more impact if told from one viewpoint--or at least, without shifting viewpoints mid-chapter. But that may be just a matter of taste. I've had editors who really pushed viewpoint continuity, but I noticed while recent reading "Practical Magic" that Alice Hoffman switches viewpoints often, and sometimes very rapidly.
In any case, the opening is gripping, and the premise is excellent, so this is definitely worth continuing.
Hi Bill and so glad you stopped in. POV is always debated, isn't it? I usually try to stay inside one character's head in a scene, but that's the only "rule" I pay attention to. Hope you'll come back to see how Aurora deals with her little problem.
Definitely worth continuing. I'm rooting for her to find a way out--maybe she really can fly away on the griffin.
I'm toying with that fantasy. Thanks for the read, Rebecca!
Definitely continue. Please.
Thanks, Sue!
That should be a great story. This beginning almost calls for me to read on, to know more. I root for Aurora. I hope she can break that curse.
I'm writing like mad to see if I can get her out of that mess!
Held my attention from the first paragraph! Excellent pacing. I agree with other, perfect for Halloween. Keep up the good writing.
Thank you, Lynn. I'll post more next Wednesday.
Oh so creepy, intriguing, and yes, I can't wait for more! Perfect for Halloween!
I would read more!
Thanks, Heather!
I would read more. There is plenty of backstory around the present action to make me wonder what disaster will happen. There are plenty of ways I can see you going with this start.
I haven't finished this yet, so I hope I find the right way to take it to the end.
Locked cellar doors always signal something sinister.
I know. I'm glad I don't have a cellar. I've never trusted them. :-)