Very well done. I thought the ending was good; I didn’t need more and would even have been satisfied if it had ended when she realizes she’s going to land in the river, and him with her.
A damned shame that “one last jump” led them to make it really the last jump.
Wow, while we will never know what went through their minds in those final minutes, you did a wonderful job of creating the suspense and the apprehension. Good writing, sad story, and how terrible for the children.
The elements of the story foreshadow tragedy: the reluctance of the child for the mother to leave, the description of the force of the river, the pilot's cautions, and Lia's misgivings, even the title. The ending meets expectations with Lia entering the river. In my opinion, the note about the real ending was not necessary and actually detracted from the impact of your excellent story. Nick had so much: loving wife and children, good health, prosperity but it wasn't enough. He needed the thrill of one last jump at any cost.
Special Forces developed HALO (high-altitude low-opening) techniques just for this reason. Sports jumping generates a tragic hubris in some. Even in those who know better. It is an addiction. Well done.
I'm definitely a sissy when it comes to heights. Step ladders are my limit, so I've never even considered jumping out of a plane. Thanks for reading and commenting. You know about that time and situation, so your insights are doubly appreciated.
Yes but the engine is hubris and compliant timidity resulting in tragedy--two flawed characters with which I am acutely familiar. This is a good story for those seeking the connection between character and consequence.
And they were young, so that was an octane booster--to extend your metaphor. As a writer, I'm very fond of flawed characters. They are the most interesting in fiction, and the most difficult in real life. I'm glad you found the story had merit. I'm really glad you took the time to exchange comments about it.
All humans are flawed and the good writer understands and contextualizes those flaws. The young have the disadvantage of lacking emotional intelligence. As a young company commander (24) with 240 airborne infantrymen to superintend I had to grow up fast, to defer to the veterans of WWII and Korea--our lives were in the balance. As a jump master, I would never yield. Your writing makes this understandable--a developed muscle which you may not have known you possessed.
So, in my Scary Story contribution, you’ll have to decide if I’ve written a happy ending or an unhappy one. I’ll be interested in your take on that one. :-)
Very well done. I thought the ending was good; I didn’t need more and would even have been satisfied if it had ended when she realizes she’s going to land in the river, and him with her.
A damned shame that “one last jump” led them to make it really the last jump.
Thanks, Rebecca. Appreciate the feedback as always.
One last time can definitely be the last time. It brought the emotions out of me and I think I will be thinking about it the whole day.
Thanks for reading. I’ve had this story in my mind for a very long time.
You are welcome, happy that you finally managed to write it.
I’ll bet you have some stories that are waiting until you’re ready to craft them and let others read what’s on your mind.
Haha yes, we all do. 😅
I think this was exactly the right ending. The suspense build-up, in spite of guessing the end from the title, was relentless. More please...
Wow, while we will never know what went through their minds in those final minutes, you did a wonderful job of creating the suspense and the apprehension. Good writing, sad story, and how terrible for the children.
I often wonder where those children wound up. I assume they lived with their grandparents the rest of their lives. I hope they fared well.
The elements of the story foreshadow tragedy: the reluctance of the child for the mother to leave, the description of the force of the river, the pilot's cautions, and Lia's misgivings, even the title. The ending meets expectations with Lia entering the river. In my opinion, the note about the real ending was not necessary and actually detracted from the impact of your excellent story. Nick had so much: loving wife and children, good health, prosperity but it wasn't enough. He needed the thrill of one last jump at any cost.
Thanks for the great comment. I’ve never written about that time of my life, so I was nervous about putting this story out there.
Special Forces developed HALO (high-altitude low-opening) techniques just for this reason. Sports jumping generates a tragic hubris in some. Even in those who know better. It is an addiction. Well done.
I'm definitely a sissy when it comes to heights. Step ladders are my limit, so I've never even considered jumping out of a plane. Thanks for reading and commenting. You know about that time and situation, so your insights are doubly appreciated.
Yes but the engine is hubris and compliant timidity resulting in tragedy--two flawed characters with which I am acutely familiar. This is a good story for those seeking the connection between character and consequence.
And they were young, so that was an octane booster--to extend your metaphor. As a writer, I'm very fond of flawed characters. They are the most interesting in fiction, and the most difficult in real life. I'm glad you found the story had merit. I'm really glad you took the time to exchange comments about it.
All humans are flawed and the good writer understands and contextualizes those flaws. The young have the disadvantage of lacking emotional intelligence. As a young company commander (24) with 240 airborne infantrymen to superintend I had to grow up fast, to defer to the veterans of WWII and Korea--our lives were in the balance. As a jump master, I would never yield. Your writing makes this understandable--a developed muscle which you may not have known you possessed.
Your comments are always so much a cut above most. Thank you for the experience you bring to this forum.
The Mekong River has given birth to a life story, I like it.
Well done, Lee. I think the end is good. The real one broke my heart.
Mine, too. Such a tragedy for those children.
It was heartbreaking. I suppose that's why I've never forgotten that day.
Very depressing. I always hope for a happy ending. Sigh.
Sorry. Some just don’t turn out that way.
Yeah, the adult in me knows that. The little kid is not so sure. Hee!
So, in my Scary Story contribution, you’ll have to decide if I’ve written a happy ending or an unhappy one. I’ll be interested in your take on that one. :-)