1. I'd rather the dad be a ghost. Also most parents at 65 are not in need of help unless they have a medical problem so you might want to up the mom's age by at least 10 years.
2. Jason seems self-centered to me.
3. Stanley seems likeable.
4. I wasn't sure about including this info, but it could be good foreshadowing for a longer story. Good luck!
1. It has a Saki "The Open Window" vibe; there's been a transformation in their mother that her losing touch with reality wouldn't cause, to my mind. And there's a bit of "The Monkey's Paw" in it, too. I think that he *is* there, but that it can't be conclusively proved to the reader.
2. I think Jason is also self-centered. He's worried about her impact on his life; he can't avoid stepping up, but there's an undercurrent of me-me-me.
3. Stanley's mind is more obscure to me, but it would be a twist if he were the "better" brother. His negatives are framed in his brother's disappointment in him and mild contempt.
4. It was noticeable though not distracting; as a part of a longer story it could be played with a more gentle reveal.
Thank you for your considered comments and associations with notable stories. I hadn’t thought of those. I so appreciate your taking the time to read and answer the questions!
The precision and delicacy might have caught my eye more because I have characters that display those traits because they are engineered to be that way. One of them is pretending to be a regular human, but these traits tend to betray her, and the reader is led to understand what she is particularly by comparing her to the another character.
1. Ghost! Or zombie or something.
2. Jason seem self-centered and unlikeable for me.
3. Stanley is likeable.
4. It wasn't distracting.
I agree with Natalie on the age of the mom. Unless she's had an illness that has cause major health issues, she'd still be popping around at 65.
1. I'd rather the dad be a ghost. Also most parents at 65 are not in need of help unless they have a medical problem so you might want to up the mom's age by at least 10 years.
2. Jason seems self-centered to me.
3. Stanley seems likeable.
4. I wasn't sure about including this info, but it could be good foreshadowing for a longer story. Good luck!
1. It has a Saki "The Open Window" vibe; there's been a transformation in their mother that her losing touch with reality wouldn't cause, to my mind. And there's a bit of "The Monkey's Paw" in it, too. I think that he *is* there, but that it can't be conclusively proved to the reader.
2. I think Jason is also self-centered. He's worried about her impact on his life; he can't avoid stepping up, but there's an undercurrent of me-me-me.
3. Stanley's mind is more obscure to me, but it would be a twist if he were the "better" brother. His negatives are framed in his brother's disappointment in him and mild contempt.
4. It was noticeable though not distracting; as a part of a longer story it could be played with a more gentle reveal.
Thank you for your considered comments and associations with notable stories. I hadn’t thought of those. I so appreciate your taking the time to read and answer the questions!
The precision and delicacy might have caught my eye more because I have characters that display those traits because they are engineered to be that way. One of them is pretending to be a regular human, but these traits tend to betray her, and the reader is led to understand what she is particularly by comparing her to the another character.
My pleasure!