I like the surprise of dear old dad popping back again as a ghost. I feel like Jason is so unlikable that I distrust his read on his mom, brother and life in general. I think his jerk image is exacerbated by his reaction to finding her out of it awhile back, and I am curious what was wrong with her and wonder if a more gradual decline would fit better with her actual age (she seems overall healthy) and let both those dorks off the hook for being callous and selfish in the reader’s eye…it is an engaging story and I definitely am interested in seeing what is going on!
Definitely a ghost. I love ghost stories. Intriguing to see how you will handle that writing challenge. I don't like either of the boys. Both self centered, but I imagine you have some good characteristics to throw in to make at least one of them care about his mom.or perhaps the boys have a bad history with her. So many ways to go with that background. I'm sure being so precise and perfect has an important part in the story. I want more!!
1. I'd rather the dad be a ghost. Also most parents at 65 are not in need of help unless they have a medical problem so you might want to up the mom's age by at least 10 years.
2. Jason seems self-centered to me.
3. Stanley seems likeable.
4. I wasn't sure about including this info, but it could be good foreshadowing for a longer story. Good luck!
1. It has a Saki "The Open Window" vibe; there's been a transformation in their mother that her losing touch with reality wouldn't cause, to my mind. And there's a bit of "The Monkey's Paw" in it, too. I think that he *is* there, but that it can't be conclusively proved to the reader.
2. I think Jason is also self-centered. He's worried about her impact on his life; he can't avoid stepping up, but there's an undercurrent of me-me-me.
3. Stanley's mind is more obscure to me, but it would be a twist if he were the "better" brother. His negatives are framed in his brother's disappointment in him and mild contempt.
4. It was noticeable though not distracting; as a part of a longer story it could be played with a more gentle reveal.
Thank you for your considered comments and associations with notable stories. I hadn’t thought of those. I so appreciate your taking the time to read and answer the questions!
The precision and delicacy might have caught my eye more because I have characters that display those traits because they are engineered to be that way. One of them is pretending to be a regular human, but these traits tend to betray her, and the reader is led to understand what she is particularly by comparing her to the another character.
1. Ghost! Or zombie or something.
2. Jason seem self-centered and unlikeable for me.
3. Stanley is likeable.
4. It wasn't distracting.
I agree with Natalie on the age of the mom. Unless she's had an illness that has cause major health issues, she'd still be popping around at 65.
Many thanks! Great comments.
I like the surprise of dear old dad popping back again as a ghost. I feel like Jason is so unlikable that I distrust his read on his mom, brother and life in general. I think his jerk image is exacerbated by his reaction to finding her out of it awhile back, and I am curious what was wrong with her and wonder if a more gradual decline would fit better with her actual age (she seems overall healthy) and let both those dorks off the hook for being callous and selfish in the reader’s eye…it is an engaging story and I definitely am interested in seeing what is going on!
Thank you so much. They are rather dorky boys, aren't they? I'll have to explore their characters a bit more with your comment in mind.
Definitely a ghost. I love ghost stories. Intriguing to see how you will handle that writing challenge. I don't like either of the boys. Both self centered, but I imagine you have some good characteristics to throw in to make at least one of them care about his mom.or perhaps the boys have a bad history with her. So many ways to go with that background. I'm sure being so precise and perfect has an important part in the story. I want more!!
I love ghost stories, too! I'll have to figure out how to handle this. Thanks for the helpful comment.
1. I'd rather the dad be a ghost. Also most parents at 65 are not in need of help unless they have a medical problem so you might want to up the mom's age by at least 10 years.
2. Jason seems self-centered to me.
3. Stanley seems likeable.
4. I wasn't sure about including this info, but it could be good foreshadowing for a longer story. Good luck!
Thanks, Natalie. I loved your input.
1. It has a Saki "The Open Window" vibe; there's been a transformation in their mother that her losing touch with reality wouldn't cause, to my mind. And there's a bit of "The Monkey's Paw" in it, too. I think that he *is* there, but that it can't be conclusively proved to the reader.
2. I think Jason is also self-centered. He's worried about her impact on his life; he can't avoid stepping up, but there's an undercurrent of me-me-me.
3. Stanley's mind is more obscure to me, but it would be a twist if he were the "better" brother. His negatives are framed in his brother's disappointment in him and mild contempt.
4. It was noticeable though not distracting; as a part of a longer story it could be played with a more gentle reveal.
Thank you for your considered comments and associations with notable stories. I hadn’t thought of those. I so appreciate your taking the time to read and answer the questions!
The precision and delicacy might have caught my eye more because I have characters that display those traits because they are engineered to be that way. One of them is pretending to be a regular human, but these traits tend to betray her, and the reader is led to understand what she is particularly by comparing her to the another character.
My pleasure!